The Most Important Relationship of Your Life
When we hear the word “relationship”, we usually think about relationships we have with others. I’ve written a lot about the importance of relationships, and how to improve our relationships with others – especially with those closest to us. Recently, I wrote about a powerful tool for learning how best to relate with others, called the 5 Love Languages.
While the quality of relationships we have with others is very important, the most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. In fact, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.
A great analogy is the oxygen mask instructions you receive every time you fly. If you fly regularly, then you’re certainly familiar with flight attendant instructions about what to do in the event of loss of cabin pressure:
“Oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”
I believe we should also apply the Oxygen Mask Rule to relationships: If you want to have a great relationship with others, you should first work to insure you have a great relationship with yourself.
Here are a few ways you can begin to improve the relationship you have with yourself:
Accept yourself
Life isn’t perfect, and I’m guessing you’re not, either. Part of having a great relationship with yourself, though, is accepting the imperfection, and valuing who you are despite the imperfection.
It’s natural to be critical of areas that we feel need to be improved. I tend to focus on what isn’t working rather than what’s going well. The danger in this is dwelling on what isn’t working and beating ourselves up about it.
Value who you are – a wonderful work in progress! Accept yourself unconditionally… no matter what.
Believe in yourself
One of the most important things you can do to improve the relationship you have with yourself is to believe in yourself. We live in a world filled with cynics, critics, and people who cast doubt on our ability to do great things. It’s quite natural, when subjected to those kinds of thoughts, to start believing them yourself.
A belief in your ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to is one of the most powerful keys to success. Indeed, every groundbreaking accomplishment occurred because the person who achieved it refused to buy into the popular sentiment surrounding the likelihood of that achievement.
Believe in yourself, and in your ability to do whatever you set your mind to. Know that you can accomplish great things. And you will.
Forgive yourself
One of the things that holds people back the most in their relationship with themselves is the mistakes of their past. We’re all human; we all make mistakes. But sometimes people carry the embarrassment, remorse, guilt, or shame of that mistake with them for years.
While it’s natural to feel bad when we mess up, it’s not natural – and indeed is unhealthy – to beat ourselves up about it continually. After we’ve acknowledged our mistake, apologized to those impacted (if it affected other people), learned whatever lesson there is to learn from the experience, then it’s time to move on.
There’s no sense in punishing your future for mistakes you’ve made in the past. Give yourself grace. Forgive yourself, learn from the experience, and then move forward.
Make time for yourself
It seems like, more today than ever, we “hit the ground running” first thing in the morning, and don’t stop running until we “crash” at the end of our day. Many of life’s demands are imposed by other people – our spouse or significant other (if we’re married or dating), kids (if we are parents), our boss (unless we’re self-employed), and others. In addition, we also impose stressors on ourselves, through activities like scrolling social media, watching or reading the news, and even in conversations we have with friends and acquaintances.
One of the most important things we can do to control the pace of the day is controlling how it starts. For as long as I can remember, I’ve woken up early every day. When we had small children, it was the only way to ensure “alone time” in the morning. I find the morning to be an incredibly peaceful time, and the first 15-30 minutes of each day often sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Perhaps you’re not a morning person, and that’s totally okay. The important takeaway is to make time for yourself each day, whenever that occurs. This is a time to be completely present with yourself, and to not be distracted by anything going on externally.
How you fill this time is completely up to you. Sometimes, I’ll just sip my coffee, stare out the window, and reflect on whatever shows up. This is also a wonderful time to read the Bible, or a devotional. One of the things I’d like to incorporate into this time is meditation. If you like to journal, then this might be the perfect time for that.
However you fill the time, be sure to take time for yourself regularly.
Love yourself
We all know the joy that comes from expressing love and affection to others. Love is also a wonderful – and very important – gift you can give yourself, too.
Self-love starts with improving the relationship you have with yourself in all the ways described in this article. It includes taking care of yourself, being kind to yourself, and recognizing the blessing of your awesomeness – who you are as a person, and the gifts you provide to the world.
Loving yourself is one of the most important things you’ll ever do. By loving yourself, you will have a greater appreciation for life, and a greater appreciation for others, too.
Please let me know what you do to improve your relationship with yourself. Send me an email, or comment below – I’d love to hear from you!
