The Family You Choose

One of the greatest gifts in life is friendship. Isn’t it wonderful that life blesses us with certain people? Our paths cross, and friendship grows through the years. I always say that friends are the family you choose, and I’m very grateful for the wonderful friendships I’ve enjoyed.

When I first met Leo, he was 70 years old. I was just starting out in my career, and he was beginning his second (or maybe even third) career. Leo was very friendly, and loved to tell stories. Since he was a “talker” and I am a “listener”, we had many wonderful conversations over the years.

I didn’t meet his wife, Fran, until years later, and that’s when our friendship deepened. Fran was a beautiful, diminutive woman. She was always impeccably dressed, and her pale skin and red lipstick reminded me a bit of a Geisha.

We began going out socially with Leo and Franny when they were well into their 80s. I would joke that it was difficult to get on their social calendar, but the reality is, they were willing to go out whenever Heidi and I were available. Their one request was that we pick them up, as Leo didn’t like to drive at night.

Every night out was like sitting at the feet of this wise couple. They recounted stories from first having met in the 1940s, and other stories from every decade since. When they lamented about issues their children were facing, I learned the important lesson that one never stops being a parent. (Their kids were in their 60s and 70s when they shared these stories!) Heidi and I learned so much – about marriage, about parenting, and about life.

I have only one regret about my relationship with Leo – that I didn’t pour even more into it. Leo passed away at the age of 95, and Franny was 98 when she died six years later.

I have other older friends, too. I’ve known Ray for about 20 years, and he just celebrated his 90th birthday this month – on Valentine’s Day. Like Leo, Ray is a true gentleman. I’ve never heard him use profanity, nor has he ever said anything critical of another person in my presence. Knowing both men has caused me to appreciate the wisdom of people older than me, and I’m grateful for the lesson.

Just as there is wisdom to be gained from relationships with people older than us, I have also found benefits in friendships with people much younger. I think I first realized this when I became active with Alma College, my alma mater. I had the good fortune of being able to meet and interact with student leaders on campus. Granted, these were the “rock stars” of the college. But I remember being so incredibly impressed with their maturity, their worldview, and their knowledge. Rather than mentoring, which I was also able to do, I often felt as though I was the student, learning amazing lessons from these young leaders who had often traveled the world by the time they graduated from college.

I think the youth of the world gets a bad rap. You often hear people exclaiming that “kids are different today,” implying that they are somehow less gifted, or their work ethic is not on par with previous generations. I don’t agree with either statement. Rather, I find it refreshing to be exposed to and learn from the thoughts and ideas of our youth. Yes, they do think differently. But that’s one of the ways I continue to learn and grow – from being exposed to those who think very differently than me.

Kids today are smart, and full of energy. They define success differently than I always have, and they have different ideas about what’s important. Underneath all that, I believe they value people the same way I do, and the same way Leo did and Ray does.

I hope you are blessed to have at least one or two wonderful friends in your life. If that’s the case, then why not contact a friend today, and let him or her know how appreciative you are of your relationship? Tell your friend you were reminded of how much you value them because of an article you read, and how grateful you are to have them in your life. 

Finally, work hard to be a good friend. Life isn’t easy, and sometimes we just need someone to talk to. Be that person whenever you can. Your life will be better for the experience, and you will provide a meaningful gift to your friend, too.