Show Notes

• The state of manners and etiquette in today’s society
• Misconceptions about the word “etiquette”
• About the Detroit Academy of Etiquette
• Why kids need to learn about etiquette and manners
• How even top level executive can benefit from formal training
• Faux pas that Danielle sees in society
• Best in Business Class
• How to communicate in today’s high tech world
• Project 2

Connect With Danielle Kovachevich

Website: http://www.detroitacademyofetiquette.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/detroitacademyofetiquette/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/detroitacademyofetiquette/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielle-kovachevich-0b0b15131/

Summary

Certified Etiquette Instructor Danielle Kovachevich specializes in helping professionals navigate the modern business world with social graces, bringing dignity and kindness to their daily work. Danielle shares why good manners never go out of style, and what we can do to make a positive impression, both professionally and personally.

Full Transcript

Brian  

Welcome to another episode of Life Excellence with Brian Bartes. Join me as I talk with amazing athletes, entrepreneurs, authors, entertainers, and others who have achieved excellence in their chosen field so you can learn their tools, techniques and strategies for improving performance and achieving greater success. Certified etiquette instructor Danielle Kovachevich specializes in helping professionals navigate the modern business world with social graces, bringing dignity and kindness to their daily work. Her expertise includes international business protocol, digital decorum, corporate consulting, cultural awareness training, fine dining, and service staff programming. Danielle founded Detroit Academy of Etiquette and her wide ranging client list includes a number of national and international corporations, a who’s-who of Detroit’s top executives, as well as entry level professionals, service staff professionals, recent graduates, young children and others looking to level up and outclass the competition. In addition to earning her certification in etiquette instruction from the Etiquette Institute of St. Louis, Danielle also studied in the south of France, providing her with international experience and an appreciation for cultural differences. Welcome, Danielle, and thank you very much for being with us on Life Excellence.

Danielle  

Thank you, Brian. I’m so honored to be here with you.

Brian  

Danielle, first of all, I want to applaud you for the work you’re doing. I agree wholeheartedly with everything I’ve read about you and your work. And in fact, in a chapter of my own book, Life Lessons, three of the 15 habits are what I call etiquette habits; practical tips that I believe are critically important to success in the world today. I share that so you know I’m on your side, and you’re definitely preaching to the choir with me. Let’s jump right into the controversy though. We both know that manners and etiquette have fallen by the wayside in today’s society. One article I read recently stated that – and this is a quote – good old-fashioned manners really are dying as four in 10 millennials say they wouldn’t give up their seats on public transportation to retirees or pregnant women. Communication has deteriorated and almost everyone today, as you know, sends emails instead of handwritten notes. Hardly anyone says “God bless you” when someone sneezes, – and this was the most surprising thing that I read in preparing for the show – in one survey in Great Britain – now this is a country typically regarded as very prim and proper, [they] always use their manners, use proper etiquette – in a survey there, 84 percent of those responding said basic traditional British politeness, such as saying simple things like “please” and “thank you”, or even holding a door open, is simply old-fashioned. What’s happening Danielle? When did things start to go off the rails?

Danielle  

Wow, I would like to get my hands on that article because it is true and it’s very concerning, however I do believe many people think it’s old-fashioned [but] good manners never go out of style. I just feel like because less and less people are doing these things, it’s more of an opportunity for my clients and other people like yourself, Brian, that value the skill set to stand out professionally, personally, and really make a difference. So, I definitely think, as we get into more of the way we communicate digitally, and the pandemic has not helped etiquette…it’s actually helped my business, I’ve been busier than ever. Lots of people calling up, getting back into the workplace or children getting back into school and activities and people get comfortable and people forget how to present themselves professionally, and how to communicate, their table manners. Again, same thing with the digital communication, people are – I don’t like to use this word – quite frankly, a little bit lazy when it comes to it because it is so convenient. But what we have to remember is all of that’s a part of our brand. We have to step it up in these occasions. This is an opportunity because so few people are exhibiting the skill; it’s really an opportunity to outclass your competition and and showcase your skills.

Brian  

And we’re certainly going to talk about all of that. Danielle, today I think when people hear the word etiquette, or even manners, it seems to conjure up these thoughts of our grandmother telling us to get our elbows off the table, or we think of Miss Manners, who used to write a column in newspapers, when people used to get the paper every day. Is that part of the challenge, that the terminology that we use seems dated or is this part of a wider generational issue, that we’re just not as focused on etiquette and manners as maybe we were in previous generations?

Danielle  

It’s so funny you say that, I sometimes have a hard time with the word etiquette myself because a lot of people go right to thinking about being stuffy, pretentious, sort of their nose in the air. And the skill set I teach and I emulate from a lot of my mentors and people I’ve studied is kindness and an awareness of how we make other people feel, and consideration, respect. So it’s actually the total opposite of that; uppity, snobby stereotype that a lot of people think of when they think of etiquette, but in my teaching, it’s [the] complete opposite. It’s being thoughtful and kind [toward] the people around you, opening doors, giving up your seat, saying, “God bless you”, writing the handwritten thank you notes, also learning a skill set – table manners – and people say, well, isn’t that stuffy, using the right silverware and all that? And I say, actually, when you have good table manners, you’re an enjoyable guest to dine with. You’re not chewing with your mouth open. You’re great at making conversation. You’re kind to the waitstaff. So yes, it is learning a skill set, but it’s also showing kindness to the people you’re dining with.

Brian  

I’d like you to expand on the concept of kindness a little bit, if you would. I read a quote recently that etiquette is a fancy word for simple kindness. So that really goes along with what you’re saying, that really at the core, we’re taught – certainly, in terms of the etiquette side…now we’re going to get into other areas like what to do at the table, what to do on social settings, that sort of thing. But, as you know, we’re living in a world that’s emotionally charged, there are a lot of hot issues, a lot of very contentious issues. So talk about that a little bit. What do you see out there in terms of how people are behaving, how that’s maybe different than when you first started learning about etiquette and manners? And what can we do about it?

Danielle  

That’s a great question. Typically, when a client or company calls, they’ll say we have X, Y, and Z problems. It could be a problem with a group of people, it could be as simple as grooming, it could be they’re very intelligent and smart at their craft, but they don’t have good people skills. And so I do a consultation, we’ll talk about it, and I come in, and then we have a very…it’s not like you’re doing this wrong, it’s just elevating the awareness of the group or organization, so that everyone is in tune with how that company, the culture would like them to behave. So what I’m seeing a lot with these client calls is, one particular theme, especially in the last year, is that, like you mentioned, the hot topics and emotionally charged conversations and how it’s creating a negative culture in the workplace, people are divided, they’re not treating each other well. So that has been a very common theme I’ve seen in the last several jobs I’ve had. And my advice in general is [that] there’s a time and a place for these conversations. Unfortunately, if we can’t have them in a respectful manner, we need to move them outside of the workplace or with people we feel comfortable with. Now, if you get caught in those conversations, I give my clients tips on how to pivot the conversation, and how to be the one that elevates the conversation to something more positive and respectful. And so that’s what we go through when I meet with their group.

Brian  

Do you talk about topics that we really shouldn’t probably bring up or maybe even discuss? Politics, what is it – politics, religion?

Danielle  

Those seem to be the main ones:  whether you’re vaccinated, whether you want to wear a mask and other people don’t wear a mask, that seems to be something that divides a group. Some organizations do just fine with it, because they are very respectful of the way other people think and believe, but sometimes it’s a tough dynamic, and I’m happy that I can hopefully be a part of solving that. And like I said, bringing an awareness on how these types of behaviors can affect your own personal success. When people are causing stressful situations, that hurts their own personal growing, continuing in their job, so it’s not just the culture, but it’s also your own personal success that it can affect.

Brian  

Tell us about your background. I’m fascinated with the idea of your business and the origin of Detroit Academy of Etiquette. What sparked your desire to seek formal etiquette training yourself? Walk us through the history of Detroit Academy of Etiquette.

Danielle  

Thank you for asking. Yes. So I worked previously for a company, right here in Birmingham, Michigan. It was a company that worked with executives, a speech coaching company, and they hired an executive stylist, and they wanted someone to work with the etiquette piece. So I saw it, I was interested, and I applied for the position and they put me through training. In that position, I worked mostly with corporate, mostly in the automotive industry. So international clients would come in, and I would prepare the client for the meal. A lot of times people negotiate differently, the greetings are different. So I would come in and help with that aspect of the training. Then a couple years ago, I was really getting the itch to, not only work in the corporate sector, but also to work with other groups of people :  children, graduates, I have a non-profit that works with women specifically who’ve been through challenges. So I was loving my time with the automotive industry, but I thought I would really enjoy expanding my horizons. And with the blessing of my old company, that I actually still do work with, I moved on to start my own business. That allowed me to be a little bit more creative. And being a mother of four, I know how needed this business is for teenagers and young children. But the funny thing is, just as much for adults, I am talking about children, but I see just as much interest in adults and seasoned executives. So that’s how it came about. It has been such a fun ride, because I don’t typically have one type of client. I’ve worked with politicians, I’ve worked with real estate, a plastic surgery center. It’s a very unique…I don’t have one type of client, which I love, because I learn so much from each of my clients, each industry is so unique and different.

Brian  

Obviously, most of the people listening to the podcast are adults. So I definitely want to talk more and learn about how we can confidently navigate our way through professional settings. But you alluded to it, I know you work with teenagers, and even younger children. So I’d like to just start there, if we could. I remember years ago, all of our own children – and I have four children, just as you do – and all of our children took an etiquette class at a club that we belong to, and Danielle, they all still bring it up today, from time to time. Which is awesome. Why is it important that kids learn about etiquette and manners? And what are some of the important behaviors we should instill in our children to make sure that they’re not only using proper manners in social settings, but also going above and beyond to create a favorable impression, which I know is part of what you do with business people, certainly, but it’s also something that we ought to be teaching children?

Danielle  

I love that you signed your children up for etiquette class, that’s so great. And it’s so funny, so many of the adults that sign their kids up took one as a child or a young teenager, and still think about it. They now are putting their kids [in it] and so I’m very grateful to anyone who sees value in this type of training. But yes, I think with the children’s programs, yes, we go through dining etiquette and first impressions, and how to greet adults and your teachers and coaches. But I think what I’m seeing, that I really try to focus on, is a lack of confidence with how they approach people. I think that’s – a lot of people say we have a body language and what message certain things send, and a lot of times we see people on a phone – a cell phone – adults and children. And I ask,  what kind of message is that sending? And they’ll say, disinterested, bored. Well, I think it’s awkward, because a lot of people go to look at their phone because they’re uncomfortable maybe in an elevator or in the lobby. What I try to teach my students – children and adults – we’re missing opportunities. We’re missing opportunities to connect with people, make someone’s day. And so I really try to talk to them about the importance of putting the phone down. I challenge them. I say smile at three strangers today – adults and children. A lot of these lessons are very similar, but I do see more so with the younger groups, a lack of confidence, communicating and approaching people, making the first step, walking up to someone and shaking their hand. So that is what I really try to focus on in my programs is encouraging that type of behavior and telling them how important it is, that these are all opportunities to connect with people. We’re missing them when we’re buried in a phone and being shy and not feeling confident.

Brian  

How deeply do you get into the confidence area? That’s not something that I would have thought about when you mentioned that, although it’s certainly related. And obviously, with the state of mental health in our country, and a lot of things causing that, I think it’s more prevalent than ever. I’m thinking about kids and social media and the way that plays into things like bullying and posts that get put on social media about people. Is that an area that you get into or is that something that you stay away from? You mentioned that you have four children. Because your kids are around you, Danielle, they obviously get to benefit from your expertise around etiquette and manners. I’m just curious, what do you see them doing when they’re around other people? What have other people told you about how they behave that makes you really grateful you’ve been able to instill those vital lessons?

Danielle  

We do talk about that. We talk about, even at a young age, that you have a brand. And everything you do –  and I always say what do you want to be when you grow up – and of course, they all have their ideas of what they want to be. And I say, think about right now all these things you’re doing work towards your brand:  the way you talk to people, the way you present yourself, and your digital footprint. They say, what’s a digital footprint? And so we go through that; everything they do on the computer is a trail. It’s even from the things you search, to the things you post, to the way you communicate with people. And one thing I stress is that when you go for that first job, or that first interview, whatever it may be, they’re going to Google you. So I say Google yourself and see what comes up. But my message is make a digital footprint that your grandmother would be proud of, your future employer would be proud of, and that you’re showing kindness and empathy. So we talk a lot about that and showing how bullying and those types of behaviors can not only really hurt someone, but also hurt yourself. Well, I will tell you, it’s a work in progress. They’re young. I have a 12 year old, 13 year old and two 15 year olds, but I think the thing I feel the most proud of is that they are kind humans, and I just appreciate the way they treat other people. That’s something my husband and I have both stressed is just showing kindness. So I would say overall they’re very kind, but again, still working on all the table manners and the confidence, I think. That’s the thing when you’re talking about confidence, confidence doesn’t come easily. It’s something we have to practice. That’s why we talk about being a good conversationalist. In my networking programs, we talk a lot about feeling confident enough to walk into a group, looking at the group to see if it’s an open group or a closed group, there are ways to do that, but to feel confident enough to walk in and introduce yourself. That takes lots of practice, it just doesn’t happen the first time you do it, you feel more confident each time you do it. I encourage all my clients [to] find opportunities to practice these skills. In the meantime, you can tweak it with body language, there are little things you can do to send competent signals. But you it takes time to really feel that innate confidence.

Brian  

What are some of those things? So how do we fake it until we make it if we’re looking for a crutch just to help us ease the discomfort?

Danielle  

It is uncomfortable, it’s so uncomfortable for so many people, most people, I would say, but a couple of things you were mentioning – the first impression, like when you walk into a room, and let’s say it’s a professional or personal situation, and you’re eager to connect with people in professional or personal situations, you want to walk in facing the group, you’d never want to walk in facing with your back to the group, and you want to have your chin – again, these are little tricks – but your chin should always be parallel to the floor. So if it’s down a little bit, you can send the message of being shy, too high can be the message of being aloof or disinterested. Open body language – good posture, making eye contact with the people in the room, avoiding fidgeting and toe tapping, things like that, those are just little things you can do to show that you’re confident, but again, it takes it takes a lot of practice.

Brian  

Let’s talk about a couple things. You mentioned eye contact, and that’s obviously…well maybe it isn’t obvious that that’s critically important, and you know that, and the other thing is handshakes [that] I was thinking about leading up to the show. And so, eye contact is very important yet so many people – and it’s not just kids, I think it’s adults, too – don’t make eye contact. Why is that? How do you work to help people with that? Then talk about handshakes just generally, obviously handshaking today is coming back. Two years ago, a year ago, it was non-existent because of COVID. It’s coming back. But when we get back to shaking hands, what are some of the tips that you can offer in that area? And what do we do in the meantime?

Danielle  

I was going to ask you, because I like to ask my clients, do you find that you’re shaking hands more within your industry, in your line of work?

Brian  

I shake hands with everyone who will shake my hand, I’ve never been cautious about that. And I’m a hugger and a handshaker. So I like physical contact. I think that’s important. It’s how we develop rapport and relationship with people. And so to not do anything was very awkward. First of all, when we weren’t shaking hands, we also weren’t getting together, right? We were online. So we didn’t really have the opportunity to shake hands. But as soon as people started getting together, I know that some people were very cautious. There’s a lot of fist bumping, but there are even people who were more reserved and wanted to do a forearm shake or tap. But what I see is that people are now more comfortable shaking hands again.

Danielle  

That’s great. I love to hear that, and etiquette experts do believe that we will completely go back to that; right now, not everyone’s comfortable. My message about that – and that’s probably the number one topic – is how to connect, because so many people do connect through a handshake. It’s a way to physically connect, especially a first impression. A lot of times, [a] bad handshake can leave a bad impression or a good handshake…it is [such an] important a part of our brand. But I’ve been working with some female clients that have never been able to shake hands for religious reasons. They can connect just perfectly without it. You can do that through your eye contact, verbal cues. But I will say I’m so happy people are shaking [hands] again, because I do think it just leaves a lasting impression. When it comes to handshakes, I just wanted to tell you a little bit about what I teach about them. It does differ in a professional setting versus a personal setting. In a professional arena, when you shake hands, you want it to be to about two shakes, so it’s sort of short and to the point. And then in a personal situation, it sort of lingers. That organically happens, you’ll notice that you just hold on to the hand of someone you know a little bit longer. But usually business handshakes are about two shakes. And also when you shake, you want to make sure if you’re sitting down, that you stand up, and you remove any barriers. So if there’s like a dining table, boardroom meeting, you want to get up and remove any barriers and come out from behind to shake hands. I’m trying to think of some other handshake tips. Avoiding extra touch – first impressions especially – avoid extra touching – the hand on the shoulder, things like that. Again, when you know someone and have a relationship that’s different, but for first impression, you would avoid that, you would also remove sunglasses, gloves, any barrier. You want to make sure you can connect, and not have anything in the way of that connection.

Brian  

Those are great tips, Danielle, thank you. Let’s switch now to big kids and start talking about the business world, to adults in general, not necessarily adults who are in the business world. I think one of the misconceptions we have, Danielle, is that everyone has been exposed to an etiquette class, or has been taught to conduct themselves around other people, how to navigate a formal place setting at a fancy dinner, or what conduct is important in a professional business setting. But that’s not the case is it, that everybody’s been exposed to that.

Danielle  

No, it’s really not. And it’s very interesting because like I said, I’ve worked with top level executives and I find that some people do know a lot but hopefully everyone can benefit in some regard, because things do differ, like culture to culture and in different industries. For example, when I worked with the automotive industry, they would exchange business cards with two hands and they would receive with two hands but in the real estate world, people don’t do that. So I think people can claim…and even I said there’s no way to know everything, I’m always a student, I’m always learning. But that’s why I think people who want to really grow and be successful are always learning and always eager to learn. So I do find most people are open minded. Children don’t usually want to come to a manners class, but they usually end up having fun. We try to make it fun for them. But I do feel most people are – if they’re interested in their career and moving up the ladder or whatever that chain of success is – they typically are pretty open minded to the program.

Brian  

In the absence of formal training though, how are people supposed to know how to act or even what side of the plate their bread is on when they’re attending a fancy dinner?

Danielle  

A lot of people don’t. I know there are companies that hire myself or other professionals to come in, especially [for] new employees, that would really be beneficial if you could start from the very beginning instead of sort of reversing, going backwards. But, it’s like you said about your children, once you learn it, it’s so…and that’s what I tell my younger clients is that you may not benefit from this today or tomorrow, but one day, you’re going to find yourself in a situation where you know how to behave and what to do. And you’ll feel really good about that, people will notice that. So it may not benefit you immediately, but one day, I feel like it does, it comes back.

Brian  

What are some of the biggest faux pas you see in society? I guess I’ll ask you about that in relationship to business, in a professional setting, but first more generally, what do you see people doing, Danielle, that just causes you to cringe like nails on a chalkboard, when you see them doing it today?

Danielle  

I have something that came right to my mind. It’s actually when people point out people’s bad manners – bad manners is pointing out other people’s bad manners. And it’s funny because with the children, they’re like, my mom…well, your mom gets a free pass, so does your dad. But when other people are pointing out things, for example, you’re at a dinner party, and someone tells a joke that is a little bit off color, and you’re the host so you’re in charge of that situation. You’re supposed to take ownership about the conversation and the flow, your responsibility as the host is to pivot that conversation into a different direction. It’s not making the person who told the joke to feel bad or embarrass them. It’s to take responsibility. It’s never pointing out what someone does wrong, but taking charge and elevating the energy in the room.

Brian  

So is it elevating the energy, or is it mitigating the situation? Or does it just depend on what’s…

Danielle  

I believe that mitigating is a good word too, because it could go downhill fast if someone’s saying something that could offend someone else. But I don’t believe in embarrassing people in a group and making them feel bad, because maybe in their heart, they didn’t think it was anything offensive.

Brian  

And so now let’s take that into a professional setting, maybe your response is the same. But in business, you attend social events, you attend business events, what are the biggest mistakes you see even successful people doing that makes you want to enroll them in one of your classes?

Danielle  

I think that the biggest problem I see in business is the way we communicate with our clients and taking the time to ask them for their preference of communication. So a lot of times you take a 20 year old who just wants to do texting, and let’s say a 75 year old who wants to have a face to face conversation. They don’t connect, because they’re just used to a different way of communication. So it’s being aware that we work with people of all different ages, cultures, and taking time to ask them shows respect; when you first meet a client, asking what their preference is for communication. I think that would just go a long way. Sometimes initially, they want a face to face meeting, eventually you can be more casual, but asking for their preference, because a lot of times, if we communicate differently, we kind of hit a roadblock and then nothing happens.

Brian  

I’d like to talk more about that, because that was actually one of my questions about how you recommend communicating. So much of communication today is via text, direct messaging on social media, and email. Now, I might be old-fashioned, but I still send handwritten notes and cards on almost a daily basis. I have to tell you, I sometimes question doing that because not everybody wants to be communicated with like that, I guess, to your point. But the other thing is the time that it takes to reach the recipient. If I send a note to California, it might take a week, whereas I could send a text that somebody would get in a few seconds, or send an email that somebody would get in a few minutes or maybe in a few hours if they’re not constantly checking their email. What advice do you have around that, how to communicate, and specifically, whether old-fashioned snail mail is even appropriate anymore?

Danielle  

I love that you do that. I always tell the story that a couple years ago, my husband and I were interviewing accountants. They were similar, like, gosh, I don’t know, they’re both fine. Well, the one gentleman wrote a handwritten note. And I always say write something personal. For example, he knew that we were both Michigan State Spartans. So he wrote a little comment about that. Think back to your conversation and reference something personal that you can connect on. And we decided, oh, my gosh, that’s our guy and it was because he sent a note in the mail. I think, take advantage of the digital outlets and platforms, of course, connect on LinkedIn, do all of that, but if you can do that extra step of following up with a handwritten note, it will leave an impression; you will get the job, you will get the client. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like receiving one. I have never met anyone…but that’s huge. I talk about that with, like I said, from my young clients to my most seasoned clients, how important that is.

Brian  

I was going to ask you, if you share that in your classes. The story I’ll give you, and feel free to take it and use it without attribution. What I tell my kids when we’re at events – our kids have opportunities to attend events and to meet people and to make an impression on people – when they meet somebody that really stands out for them, I always recommend that they send a handwritten note. What I say to them – so if they’re going someplace and the person is the the keynote speaker, let’s say, and they have the opportunity to meet them – what I asked them – so our kids are now trained in a lot of these things and can teach a lot of these concepts, just like your children can teach a lot of etiquette and manners concepts – I ask them the question, if you send the handwritten note to that person – so this is the keynote speaker, everybody’s come here to see this particular person and let’s say there are one hundred people there – I ask them, how many handwritten notes do you think that person will receive? Now they sort of roll their eyes and they say one, and I say, that’s right, one, maybe two, but certainly not one hundred. And it’s a way that you can set yourself apart from everybody else in the room. So I happen to think that’s important. And I’ll continue to do that probably as long as I can write.

Danielle  

I will, for sure, be using that in my next program. I think that is fantastic. And it’s, not only are you showing kindness, but you could open the door for an opportunity. That’s what I love about it. That’s about how just being kind and doing these small gestures can open up a world of opportunities for you. So why not? Why not do that?

Brian  

That’s absolutely correct. What I say is, that might happen and of course, that’s not the reason for doing it. The reason for doing it is to let somebody know that they made a favorable impression, to let somebody know that it truly was a pleasure to have that time together. But you’re absolutely right. The other thing that happens when you start talking about networking – and your kids who are teenagers and soon will be looking for jobs and going out into the work world – the other thing that happens is you do set yourself apart as a candidate for a job or a candidate for any kind of business relationship, or frankly, personal relationships for that matter.

Danielle  

I love it. That is great, great advice.

Brian  

Danielle, one of your more popular programs is called Best In Business class. That sounds awesome to me. You maintain that business success is driven by relationships, and those who can navigate the rules of the road have a clear advantage. What are a couple things our listeners and viewers can do starting today to really connect and relate with people? And also as we were talking about, set themselves apart from peers in this ultra-competitive world?

Danielle  

That’s a great question. So when we do those programs, they’re typically one to two hours and we go through three categories, and one would be “polished”. So polish is our brand; how do we present ourselves and they’re the little details. A lot of times I ask my clients, what’s something that could ruin a first impression for you? One gentleman said, dirty fingernails. Another lady said, she always looks at shoes; if the shoes are all scuffed up in the interview, how do they pay attention to detail? We don’t know what’s going through the head of our counterpart, our potential client, the person interviewing you. We need to make sure everything’s in line, again, pointing towards the brand that we want to present. We talk about “polish”. That’s the way we present ourselves; body language, first impressions. It’s also our table manners, social etiquette. So then we go into the next thing, which is charm. Charm is…let me think about how to say this…it’s do we provoke positive emotion on our counterpart, do we make the person we’re communicating with feel good. If they feel good being around us, they want to come back, this goes for personal relationships and professional relationships. How we do that is through the way we communicate. We talk about small talk; small talk is very uncomfortable for a lot of people but that is something that can be learned. And it’s charming…sort of…I see this “it” person, the person who walks in the room, [who] everyone’s drawn to, and it’s not because of the way they look physically, there’s something about them that people like to be around. Typically, it’s because that person makes others feel good. They’re not the negative one, they’re not the one gossiping, they’re humble, there are all these qualities, they know how to make small talk. So that will be the second part. And the final part that we discuss in the program is grace. And grace is to lead with kindness. So understand that life is full of awkward situations. I mean, I say – this is sort of silly – I’m the queen of awkwardness, but it’s how we handle those situations, spilling your water glass at a nice function. It’s how we handle it that is telling of our character, how we handle those conversations we were talking about earlier that can be emotionally charged. How do we handle someone gossiping in the workplace, handling these situations with grace will set us apart from our competition.

Brian  

Those are all great tips. I really appreciate you sharing that. Danielle, you mentioned earlier, and I want to make sure that we touch on your not for profit organization, and it’s called Project 2, and you help women re-enter the workforce after facing difficult challenges and setbacks. I really admire and respect you for that. Tell us about the work you’re doing there and the impact Project 2 is making in southeastern Michigan. Well, I so appreciate you asking about that because that truly is something that fills my soul. When I do corporate work, I love it. A lot of times, it’s a company paying for a group of people to go through the program and it always sort of bothered me that there might be a group of individuals that could benefit from this type of program, but maybe couldn’t afford it or didn’t have the opportunity. So that’s where it came from. I partnered with a group in Detroit – Brilliant – it’s called Brilliant Detroit. A lot of the women came from situations that were pretty difficult. They might have been incarcerated, they might have been teen mothers, they might have gone through an abuse or foster care, addiction. They just need that extra support. So I started Project 2 helping them with career guidance; interview skills, resume writing. Then it evolved so I ended up getting a team of people. We now have financial guidance and health and wellness and it’s not just my piece, it’s grown to a bigger focus, which has been wonderful. So we have a workshop, once a year, we have an application process, we take a pretty small group, because our organization’s new and young. We’re hopefully, growing as we go along, but in that particular group, we do a two day intense workshop. And then from there, we continue coaching through the year to help them get what they need and the support they need. That’s a wonderful program. I’m sure you’re making a tremendous impact and I really appreciate the difference that you’re making, not only for business people and for kids, but with your Project 2, as well. Danielle, thank you so much for being on the show and for equipping us with the tools and strategies for navigating through business and social encounters. I really appreciate it.

Danielle  

Well, thank you. And I want to commend you for the work you do. I just think we’re very like minded and so it’s really an honor to meet you. And again, I so appreciate this opportunity.

Brian  

Well, it’s great to get to know you and I appreciate you being on the show, Danielle. (Danielle:  Thank you.) To our listeners and viewers thanks for tuning into Life Excellence. Please support the show by subscribing, sharing it with others, posting about the show on social media, and leaving a rating and review. You can also learn more about me at BrianBartes.com. Until next time, dream big dreams and make each day your masterpiece.