Show Notes

• An early lesson in fundraising, and the origin of Steward Media
• Grasping the art of the proper introduction
• The one thing you should absolutely not do at a networking event
• The “5 Pillars of Purpose-Driven Networking”
• Networking advice for young people
• How you can become masterful networker… even if you’re an introvert
• Where to go if you want to establish a deep network
• The mistake almost every amateur networker makes, and what to do instead

Connect With Derek Dickow

Website – https://derekdickow.com/ 
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/derekdickow/ 
LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/derek-dickow-20b35a3a

Summary

Derek Dickow connects people with opportunity. He’s a world-class networker known for facilitating high-potential introductions. Derek is also a highly sought-after professional keynote speaker. His formula for cultivating connections is the secret to his success, and led to the creation of his “5 Pillars of Purpose-Driven Networking.”

Full Transcript

Brian:

Welcome to another episode of Life Excellence with Brian Bartes. Join me as I talk with amazing athletes, entrepreneurs, authors, entertainers, and others who have achieved excellence in their chosen field so you can learn their tools, techniques, and strategies for improving performance and achieving greater success.

Hello everyone, today I’m talking with Derek Dickow. To put it simply Derek connects people with opportunity. Derek is a world-class networker known for facilitating high potential introductions. He’s a passionate fundraiser and has raised millions of dollars for people, projects, political campaigns and charities he’s passionate about. Today Derek serves as the founder and president of Steward Media, an event management, fundraising, and political relations firm promoting best in class people, organizations and events. Clients include elected leaders, CEOs, and some of the most innovative thinkers imaginable. Derek is a highly sought after professional keynote speaker and has an extensive background in business, politics and philanthropy. Derek excels at artfully forming and maintaining connections with people who positively impact others, both personally and professionally. His formula for cultivating connections is the secret to his success and led to the creation of his Five Pillars of Purpose Driven Networking. Derek, I’m super excited to have you on the show today. Thanks for joining us.

Derek:

Thank you so much. And what an honor to be with you this afternoon. I really appreciate it-looking forward to it.

Brian:

Absolutely, me too. So you and I met about three years ago at a political fundraiser. I think at the time you were working for a gubernatorial candidate here in Michigan, and we can talk about that specifically, but share a little more about what you do at Steward Media.

Derek:

I appreciate that. And it was, I think in 2017 at the Detroit Athletic Club that you and I first shook hands. And it was at a political fundraiser which is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to meet successful people that are like-minded. And that was certainly the case when you and I shook hands and three years later you and I reconnected on LinkedIn. And so that’s part of the art of networking and forming relationships is we don’t necessarily know when a relationship can bear fruit. It could be three weeks after you meet them, it could be three months, or in this case, it could be more than three years. So it’s an honor to connect with you again. And I just love what I do, and I love to leverage my relationships and my network to help others grow.

Brian:

And we’re certainly going to get into networking. I have lots of questions and I’m super excited for our guests to hear about networking and hear about your Five Pillars, but how did you get into political consulting, fundraising and the start of Steward Media? Let’s go back to that and then we’ll work forward from there if that’s okay.

Derek:

Wonderful. It’s actually a fun question. I appreciate when people ask it, because for me, it started in the second grade. I went to Saint Bede Catholic School-which is no longer there anymore-in Southfield, Michigan. I was a part of the Cub Scouts and we had to sell bagels and muffins and talk to our family and friends about raising some money so that we could all go on a big trip. And I remember my father said, Hey, if you really want to do this, you’ve got to go talk to your aunts and uncles and cousins and sell what you can so that you can raise the money to go on the trip. And I remember having to explain why I was so passionate about being a part of the Cub Scouts and what was important to me. And Brian, all that’s changed over the years is the number the number zeros that are now into that formula.

So it started as early as second grade, building relationships and just explaining to people what passion was all about. I formalized Steward Media in 2008. I found an opportunity through one of the most important mentors I had in my life, the late great Mike George, who was a pre-eminent pioneer of the Chaldean community. And he and I sat down and we ideated about some of the ways that I could leverage my talents to help my community, but also to make an impact in the world. And what he suggested to me that day, and over many of the meetings that we had, was you need to use your talents to help other people. You cannot just be focused on how do I make money? How do I maximize every deal for myself? You have a gift, and that gift is to help people.

And so it started in 2009 formally, and it’s been a fantastic ride ever since. I remember being invited to a political fundraiser-and I studied politics at Oakland University. I had a double major in poli-sci and philosophy. And so in 2009, when I started my company, I initially started raising the profile of nonprofits and then morphed and transitioned into the political arena. I think what happens is when you get good at asking people for money and raising money, and you are drawn into this idea of capitalism, the free market, free enterprise system, which is something that I grew up with in a conservative home, you just find a way to help good people. And in 2010, I was fortunate to be in the back of a room as a guest when I heard Rick Snyder talk about all the changes that he wanted to make in the state of Michigan. And I just remember nodding my head pretty much the entire speech. And about a week later, I reached out to that event host and I said, how could I get involved? And they gave me an opportunity. I remember they gave me a stack of perforated tickets, and the tickets were a hundred dollars a piece. They said, could you sell some of these to your friends and family? And I went around and I sold maybe eight, nine, ten tickets. It really started then and it’s grown ever since. And again, the numbers on the checks that I ask for are a lot bigger, and more importantly, the relationships that I’ve developed over the years, and the know-how on how to add value to people upfront, is what keeps me excited about the future, keeps me excited about helping good candidates in our government. And then I transitioned into the current role I’m in today, which is trying to help people on a more national and international level.

Brian:

So you were working with business people, political leaders, not-for-profit organizations in areas like political consulting, event management. At what point did speaking and coaching become an area of focus? And how was it that networking became a particular area of focus for you, Derek?

Derek:

So in 2009 and 2010 is when some of my clients would ask me to help them produce events, where we would bring in thought leaders. Maybe we would create an annual function for them, and we would go out and sell sponsorships and you’d have to create a program. And there would have to be a line by line for that program of who speaks at what time, who gets recognized, are there any awards that are going to be given out? And so learning that process of planning events, and more importantly, paying attention to the small details, is what afforded me an opportunity to learn about event production, event management, fundraising from sponsorships, and more importantly, finding ways for people to promote them and to promote their company and products or services.

After a while…I think at one time we were planning an event and one of the planning committee members said, we don’t know who’s going to emcee this thing. And I said, well, I’ll do it. And it started then in creating a program, and trying to be the frame of the program and where the actual awardees and the attendees were the focus of the event. So it started then, in early 2010 or 2011, and over the years has grown into what I call a fun way to help people out, which is leveraging my talent and trying to help them. At these events I guess I built my expertise on qualifying introductions of two people who can benefit from knowing each other. So a lot of times I would meet people at events and just through the course of asking what they do for a living, I might meet a lawyer, or I might meet an accountant and say, I’m looking for this type of client that can help my business, or these are the types of people that I’d like to serve. A lot of times I would just turn around at the event and that person would be there and I would go through and make a very warm, and what I call a proper, introduction where you say something positive about the two people that you’re introducing, and then the normal course of business just sort of grows from there. And over the years I tell people I’ve attended more than 2,500 events, certainly in the last decade, and in a political cycle, it’s not uncommon for me to attend three events in an evening. So I became really good and efficient at introducing people who can benefit from knowing each other. And then after a while it just becomes fun. It’s like a puzzle for me. And it’s almost like a mosaic. You’re trying to layer opportunities in for people. And people reach out to me after the introduction and say, I really appreciate the introduction that you made. We were able to achieve this through that relationship, and it really all stemmed from that handshake that I helped to facilitate.

Brian:

Derek, two things I know about you is one, that you’re super high energy and you spoke to that attending three events in an evening and 2,500 events over a course of a pretty short period of time; and the second thing I know about you-and again, you gave examples-is that you’re a masterful networker. I think when most people think about networking, they think about a business round table luncheon or a speed networking event where you talk to somebody for three minutes and then everybody rotates and then you meet somebody else for three minutes. How do you define networking? Because I’m guessing it’s much more than a simple meet and greet.

Derek:

That’s exactly right. In the traditional thought, when I bring up the word networking to a lot of people, is they think of it as some insincere way of shaking hands and pin-balling through a room and trying to take a stack of business cards and just papering the whole place with all of your business cards. And that’s not networking. We’ve learned that that’s really just selling and people do not want to buy from you within the first 30 seconds or two minutes they meet. In fact, they don’t want your card even. And a lot of times I advise my clients to leave the business cards at home. Your only goal at an event is to meet people and learn about what they do, learn about what they’re after, what their goals are, and then finding ways to-when you get back to your office-to add a measurable value to the goals that they’ve set out and told you about. And the more you can excel at that, the more you focus on adding value to people, the better you get and the deeper and more sustainable your lifelong and authentic relationships will become. And that’s really the key with networking, that’s what I define it as. And I look at networking as a game almost. I mean, I think it’s fun to think about all the right people and opportunities I can create for people. That’s really the joy I get out of it is helping to identify the problems that people have. What are they currently focused on? What’s their mission? What are their goals and what skills have they mastered? And immediately when people talk to me, the way that my brain works is I just try to think of who are the two or three people that these folks have to meet right away. Then I want to make a qualified introduction to two parties that can benefit from knowing each other. I think that the more people focus on that and develop that muscle, the deeper and further their relationships will go and the better that they’ll be in their business.

Brian:

We need to jump into these Five Pillars, I’m super excited about these practical applications. And I appreciate the background in networking, but can we just jump into the Five Pillars? Derek, you’ve created this formula for cultivating connections, and you make a pretty bold statement. You maintain that this is your secret to success, The Five Pillars of Purpose Driven Networking. Can we just go through those and I’ll prompt you. And if you could say a little bit more about each one, is that okay? Can we sort of spill the beans and reveal all the secrets here on the show today?

Derek:

We’ll do our best to keep the audience and your guests excited about learning more. I don’t want to give too much of it away because I could talk about this topic for hours. I get most excited and passionate about sharing these skills that people can adapt and hone in. And if they do, I think it’ll propel their career. I’ve raised, personally, tens of millions of dollars for political candidates, philanthropic causes, just by helping business leaders meet each other for projects or deals. I’ve created this formula that I think is the winning model.

The First Pillar Successful Networking Is Done Before You Show Up is that successful networking-and by networking, I mean, attending an event, whether it’s virtual or in-person, picking up a phone or sending an email, all of those fall under the outreach, which I would consider networking, but successful networking is done before you show up.

For the introverts, or those of you watching that get stressed out, or have a little bit of anxiety when you consider an event that’s upcoming on the calendar, the great news is that the more research that you do on people that you’re trying to meet in advance, the easier it becomes to talk about them about what’s important to them, what passions they have, what drives them. So when I say successful networking is done before you show up, whoever you’re trying to meet, do a little bit of research, a simple Google search, a LinkedIn search, you can really identify an outline for what a person cares about, what their passions are. Are they involved in some philanthropic causes that maybe they attend annually or they were found at an event with a picture with their spouse. Maybe they went to the same, or a similar, school that you went to, or maybe there was some political affiliations that you can help build common threads on. But within about an hour of time, you can research on anyone that’s important enough to you, to find out if a relationship is worth having. And then if it’s worth having, how do you approach them is a part of the presentation as well.

Brian:

You hit on the first one, let’s treat it like Baskin-Robbins. So can’t give away the whole ice cream store and we’ll let our guests know how to find out more about you and about networking a little bit later on in the show. But if you don’t mind, let’s just briefly touch on each of the pillars. The second one is Network Like A Pro. So how exactly does a pro network?

Derek:

When you consider all the steps and all the work and repetition that a professional athlete puts into their preparation for the big game or for their career, there’s a lot we can learn and leverage from that information of how they prepare-that we can translate into networking. And so part of that is the physical approach of how we show up to an event. Are we showing up with the phone in our hand and looking down at it while a speaker is speaking, or in a networking session during break and you’re just looking down at your phone. I mean, there are a lot of strategies that we can learn about being what I call “game ready” for events.

We can learn from professional athletes, the Third Pillar Throw the Cards Out or Stop Selling and Start Solving, which is really one of my favorites, which is this notion of when you go to an event, throw the cards out-don’t bring them with you. What you want to do is stop selling what you have. We’re literally changing our orientation from us to the people that we meet. We’re a hundred percent focused on paying attention to them. We do such things as maintaining eye contact, nodding our head. In fact, I tell my clients, train your brain to identify the color of people’s eyes when you talk to them. That you’re so focused on them you’re not thinking about, Oh, I really wanted to meet John who’s over there talking to those other folks. And then you lose the value of building a relationship with someone that’s in front of you. So stop selling and start solving. And what I mean by solving is just listening and trying to…we have some conversation starters that help people, whether they’re at conferences or whether they’re at the local chamber of commerce event. Things that they can prompt people to ask them, to find out what they’re trying to accomplish, what their goals are. Then you lead with empathy, with the questions, and with empathy, you can learn everything. I think, Brian, you’ll agree 2020 was a challenging year for everyone. It touched all of our lives. Some people did well, some people did poorly, but most importantly, what I tell people to lead with is just checking in with people-how’s your health, how’s your family? You’ve got a couple of minutes window when you meet someone for the first time and focusing on things that are not always about, here buy my service or here buy my product, I think is important to consider.

Brian:

There’s a Zig Ziglar quote, “You can get everything out of life that you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want”, and so that goes along with your “start solving”.

Derek:

That’s exactly right. Zig Ziglar, one of the masters in motivational speaking, and certainly one of the leaders that I’ve looked up to. In fact, I wish I would have followed him when I was a little younger. But we pick up information and we learn what we want to do along the journey. And that’s the whole idea here.

Pillar Four is all about The Value Proposition, which is the currency that we offer to new contacts to demonstrate we’re someone worthy of building an authentic and long-term relationship with. And I go through the top five things that people can consider to offer. Somebody might say, well, what do I offer a new person, how do I even know what to provide for them? And I go through the top five things that people can offer and truly the number one offering that we can provide to people-which I think is our number one asset, our number one commodity-you hear people in business say time is our most valued asset and I don’t think that’s true. I think we all have the same 24 hours in a day, how you break up your time is your business. But I think the number one thing that we all own is our relationships, our credibility, our network. We bring that to the table, to a new contact. Our willingness to openly pre-qualify introductions of two people who can benefit from knowing each other is truly the value-add you bring to new contacts, and it’s a way to demonstrate to them that it’s not about me, it’s about them. And I think once we’re able to excel and develop truly an expertise in making these types of introductions, the further along we’ll be.

And then Pillar Five Building Contacts For Life is one of my favorites because it’s all about what we do to add relational value, to add relational deposits in building contacts for life. There are some funny stories I tell about how to build contacts for life the right way, and of course the wrong way. And for me, Brian, the number one way to add relationships for life and to build contacts for life is to do so by breaking bread. I don’t suggest people meet for lunch. Lunch is 30 minutes from my desk to get there, 30 minutes back-it could be a 90 minute lunch, it could be three courses, it could be a $100-$150 for lunch so I don’t recommend people meet for lunch on the first occasion to sit down with someone. I also would never suggest meeting for dinner and drinks. Dinner is three hours, sometimes $300 a person and it could be up to 1,500-2,000 calories that with all the red wine and bread basket and all that other stuff that people eat. So I focus and I advise my clients, and anyone that’s willing to listen, that you break bread with people over breakfast. It’s the most efficient way to reach any successful CEO or anyone you’re trying to build a relationship with. They will meet you at 7:00 AM, they’ll meet you at 7:30 or 8:00 AM. Depending on how serious you are about reaching your goals…and breakfast is a 45 minute to an hour, it’s coffee, it’s some eggs. It’s not a big deal. It’s also $30. It’s not expensive. And it’s a fantastic way to develop relationships. In a pre-COVID world-and my schedule has begun to ramp up the last month or so-but in a pre-COVID world, I’m having four breakfast meetings a week, sometimes twice a day. And I find that it is the most efficient way to get to the right types of people and to build relationships the right way. Now, as you start to advance those relationships further, they may become acquaintances, they may become friends, and then I may be willing to meet for drinks or lunch or other things. But when I’m meeting somebody for the first time, the way you build a contact for life is you have breakfast and you focus 95% of that breakfast on them. And I don’t mean asking 21 questions. I mean, focusing on them, what are they into? What’s their family all about? Where did they go to school? What’s important to them? What drives their business? Through the normal course of a conversation I’m focusing all of my energy and effort on them. I’ll have a notepad in front of me and I’ll start to write down names of people that they absolutely have to meet. And then I get back to my desk and I begin to make qualified introductions of two people that can benefit from knowing each other.

Those are the Five Pillars. I mean, there are some fun stories, some research I provide which is nice to have some validation of my ideas, and I just enjoy it. This stuff works. I do read books. I do follow the experts and the pros that are relationship developers like Keith Ferrazzi, Adam Grant, Judy Robinett, would be another fantastic example, and Bob Burg, who I enjoy reading his book, The Go-Giver. These are really the experts in relationship building. Adam Grant is a professor. I mean, he, these people have dedicated their careers, they’re scholars, they’re part of the cognitive elite when it comes to understanding the psychology of it. I’m just an application guy. I’ve been doing this for 12 years. I’ve been raising money for my candidates and my clients and projects for the last dozen years. And you don’t become successful at raising money unless you find ways to add value to your network and I’ve done it. I continue to do it. I love it. And now I’m just trying to share that information with the world.

Brian:

I really appreciate that. And I have to tell you, I’ve read a lot of books on networking. I practice networking. It’s a very big part of how I operate, as you know. And your Five Pillars are gold. That is absolutely some of the best success tips that I’ve heard in the area of networking and so I appreciate that. Now, when you’re on the speaking circuit, Derek, you have the opportunity to impart wisdom on seasoned professionals, as well as young people. What advice do you give high school and college age students who are just getting started in building their networks?

Derek:

That’s a wonderful question. I get asked that all the time by my nieces and nephews and just through the normal course of meeting young people that are a little unsure. Where do I go from here? And what I would tell anybody that’s young, either coming out of school or just getting started in their career, is to focus on thinking long-term. I know that’s not always a sexy idea to think five or 10 years down the road, but really spend some time thinking about where you want to spend your career, what you want to achieve in life And then not knowing what…maybe not knowing all the details about where you want to go, try to identify some of the most successful people that you have access to. Whether it’s through a family friend, whether it’s through a booster at school, a benefactor of the university. But try to identify some people that you have some low hanging fruit, some easy connections to, and then leading with authentic admiration. What I tell students is to ask for advice in a way that pays a compliment to the person that you’re trying to learn from. So I would say something like-first of all, I’d do some research on that person so you know who they are. That doesn’t matter if you’re 15, 25 year professional or just coming out of school. If you do some research, you demonstrate to the contact that you’re serious. And you’d say something like, I’ve read about you, I’ve done some research. I read the book that you wrote. I read the article that you were featured in. I really love how you and your spouse have created this foundation or that you’re so passionate about this cause. I was wondering if you might be willing to share 20 minutes with me about what some of the challenges and satisfactions are in your career, and then pausing. And then the pause is the most important part because the person’s probably going to think, wow, that’s really nice, they read about me, they understand a little bit about who I am and they’re asking me for advice. I don’t know a successful person that won’t take 15 minutes or 20 minutes to talk to someone as long as they’ve demonstrated that they’re serious about that person. They’re serious about learning from them. And how you demonstrate that is by doing the research upfront.

Brian:

That’s great. That’s really helpful. And I know there are a lot of young people listening to the show and that’s really sound advice. I appreciate that. Let’s move to the other end of the spectrum and talk about seasoned professionals. What are the most important things for established folks to do starting today if they haven’t really done too much to build their network?

Derek:

In fact, I just read this the other day and forgive me for not remembering who said it, but you could build your entire network for the next two years within the next two months, if you do it right. If you just spend…if you’re just a little intentional about who you spend time with and who you’re focused on meeting. But if you just spend time over the next months, focus on what your goals are and who you are a hundred percent convinced can help you achieve those goals, now you have a target list. Now you have an identifiable list of names of people that can help you grow. And now you want to do the research upfront to understand who that person is. And then you’ve got to do the outreach of course, you’ve got to pick up the phone and you got to send…and you’ve got to be relentless with it. If you are a hundred percent convinced someone can help you achieve your goals, nothing can get in the way as long as you believe in your goal and you believe in yourself.

Brian:

I use the word intentional a lot, and it’s really true with networking isn’t it, that to use that statistic, you can build your entire network and in a very short period of time, and it’s really about being intentional just like success in any other area of life.

Derek:

When I say you can build your network…and you can build contacts, I could go to one event and I can have enough work for the next couple of months. I mean, you build a relationship with someone. And what I always say to them is-at the end of the conversation because I’ve asked so many questions about them, because I’ve made some qualified introductions, then, because I’ve demonstrated I’m serious about listening to what they’re focused on, I’ll say something like, I might not talk to you. You might not call me or think about me for another three months, could be three years. But when you do, I’ll be ready to make an introduction for you. And so people appreciate that. They know that I’m willing to do it. And then I go ahead and I…you deliver on your word.

Brian:

Derek, when I think about masterful networkers, I think about outgoing, gregarious people who really get energy from being around people and these are the stereotypical extroverts people like you, frankly, who seemed to have an easy time meeting people and building relationships. What about people on the opposite end of the personality spectrum? So introverts-the people you might see standing in the corner at a networking event who just aren’t as confident approaching people and as a result just aren’t as successful building networks. I’m sure you’ve worked with introverts in your coaching practice and what are a couple tips that you can give them.

Derek:

So I think I’m a 50-50 guy. I think I’m 50% introvert, 50% extrovert. I don’t think I’m a hundred percent extrovert, although people looking at me might say, he’s a real confident guy and he gets out there a lot. The fact is sometimes I’m uncomfortable walking into a room where I don’t know people and what removes that feeling for me and why I no longer have that anymore, is because I do research upfront. And what I have is a plan of action for every event, every room I walk into. I never walk into a room blind. I always know in advance where I’m going to be. And I have a good idea of who’s going to be in that room. So for the introverts out there, I’ll reach out to the event production team or the planner, or sometimes if you go to a charity event-which is another favorite of mine to meet like-minded good-hearted successful people-is they have a marketing graphic of who’s going to be there, who the sponsors are, who the speakers are. A lot of times they’ll put the host committee names on the form. So you have an idea of who’s going to be there. And then what I would do is I would spend-or what I do-is I spend time researching those people and then I reach out to them in advance. I’ll say something like, I’m really looking forward to the event that we’re both attending on July 8^th, and in advance of that event I was hoping that, based on what I’ve read about you, I wanted to follow up with you on a couple of questions and have a chance to formally introduce myself. Do you think you could give me five minutes at the event to shake your hand? I’ll do that over the phone. I’ll do that with assistants. I’ll do that via email. And I have found 99% of people are willing to meet you if you demonstrate that you’ve done your research and that you’re serious about not wasting their time. And I’ve done this with people that have never met me, that don’t know me. And I will even say something like I’ll send them a calendar invite. And Brian, when you send a calendar invite to someone, the default is to block it for an hour, right? So you see blocked off an hour of your time. I’ll send a five minute calendar invite. And in the notes, I’ll include some things that I think would be helpful for them to recognize me. I might even include where to meet me at the event, if it’s a big event with thousands of people. So these are all the things that I do in advance of an event. I could go to a six hour conference or an all day conference and I have a plan. My plan is to meet three people at every event, not more and never less. And when I say three people, I don’t mean the fourth person you meet, you just say, Hey, I already met my three people, I’m not meeting any more people. What I mean is I have a plan of action. These are the three people that I came here to meet, anyone else is serendipitous-bumping into at a coffee line or at a breakout session-wonderful, but these are the people I’m here to meet. And when I meet, I can meet those three people inside of five minute windows. I could do a whole day of networking in 20 minutes and then I can go do whatever else I need to do with my time, whether it’s listening in on sessions or also I don’t mind meeting people and trying to connect them with people I know at the event. So that’s how we’re able to be efficient at these political events. In many cases, in a political cycle, there would be three events in a night, and you can’t just walk in, walking around wasting time. Time is precious and your time is precious and you didn’t take time away from your family, away from your work, and away from things that are important to you to show up at an event to talk baseball with someone that you’ve already known for 10 years-you want to be as efficient as possible. And the way to do that:  identify three people at the event that you’d like to meet, do your research on them, and then send them an invitation to connect with them in advance and let them know that you’re looking forward to meeting them. That is the secret for the introverts and for those who get stressed out.

Brian:

I appreciate that. So what I’m hearing, and you’ve said it a couple of times in a couple of different ways, is the importance of planning. It’s really essential that you have a plan and it goes back to being intentional about what is the desired outcome, why are you going to an event, who are the people-maybe specific people. Hopefully specific people that you’re looking to meet and that you’ve already made contact with in the way that you’ve described. And that plan is really, really important, it sounds like.

Derek:

Planning is everything. If you fail to plan, plan to fail. I mean, that’s something I learned when I was a young child growing up and I just feel like the more we focus in on making that plan, the easier it is to be comfortable walking into a room. Of course, we have some other ideas on how to small talk, questions that you would prepare in advance and that’s all stuff that we would talk about at a later date. 

Brian:

You mentioned a couple places where people can network and meet other people-political events, charity events, tell us about other places that we ought to be going if we’re looking to expand our networks. And I know it’s really situation specific, it’s hard to generalize, but if you could just share a few things that come to mind when you think about places.

Derek:

Absolutely. So if you took me and dropped me in, let’s say, Missouri, where I don’t really know anyone, and you said, you’ve got to make it here. You’ve got a couple of months to get to know the lay of the landscape. There are about six different buckets that I would focus on immediately in order to establish a real and deep network. The first one is the business folks, depending on…first of all, depending on what your goals are. So everyone has different goals in what they’re trying to accomplish and achieve. And let’s just say, if you were a business person trying to attend to meet new people in a new area, first thing I’d focus on is the business association in that area. There’s probably a local chamber of commerce. It could be a state chamber of commerce. There are going to be some organizations that are focused on your niche of business, or it could just be general business. So that’s probably the first one I would focus on.

The next one will be the philanthropic causes. What am I passionate about? What are causes that I would be honored to volunteer my time because their mission is aligned with my mission and just makes the world a better place? And you think about the successful people in any area. I don’t know a successful person in my network, Brian-I’m sure the same is true for you-I don’t know a successful person that doesn’t donate to a program, to a foundation or to a cause that they care deeply about. Everyone I know seems to be a giver and it’s a fantastic way for someone that could volunteer- without writing a check-they can volunteer their time to a charity to make an impression and to make an impact on a successful person, through a charity where there’s like-minded people.

Of course I enjoy politics so that’s an easy one for me. I would identify some people that I thought were doing a good job in our government. I would pick up the phone and call them directly-I’m interested in volunteering for your campaign or love to learn how I can play a role in helping you become more successful in government, so that’s another fantastic way.

We have cultural institutions. So if someone was really interested in the arts or into the opera, that’s a fantastic way to meet some really good quality people. There are religions, those of you that are religious at home, like myself, through a church or a mosque or synagogue, could be a fantastic way to meet good people.

I’m an athlete, former athlete, recovering athlete is what I call myself from time to time, so identifying-whether it’s football, basketball, lacrosse, or sports that were interesting to me, is there…now my knees and back are a little bit not what they used to be…but are there some sporting events where I could meet people. Maybe the kids are involved in some sports and that would be a good way to meet other parents that are active.

So you see what I’m doing here. You’re building a community around yourself. And then, of course, there’s a health and wellness, which I think is an important driver in today’s world. So I’m talking about the yogis, those of you that like to run or just get into a gym-a traditional gym-but there’s people that you can meet within those different buckets. And that’s how I would establish…I’d even write it out-and we have all this material printed-but I would write it out on a piece of paper. These are the different areas where I need to build my network. And then I would 100% focus on what my goals are. And then who am I convinced can help me reach those goals. And for me, a lot of times it’s going to be the most successful person in those different buckets. And how do I get to them? By doing the research to demonstrate I’m serious about building an authentic and long-term relationship.

Brian:

Those are really terrific, Derek. Thanks for sharing those. You’ve shared some really super tips about how to successfully network. Tell me, and share with our guests today, what’s the biggest mistake that people make around networking?

Derek:

The biggest mistake people make around networking is when I see them pass out a business card within the first 30 seconds to two minutes that they meet someone. The second you pass out that business card, I want you to understand that the relationship is not over, but now what you’ve done is you’ve focused the relationship on you and what you’re offering and what your product and what your services are. I’ll give you a fantastic example, because this just happened the other day. So I was out having a social hour with some friends and one of the guys that I was with is tremendously successful in his career, and his business is a recognizable figure in Southeast Michigan for his successes. So it’s not uncommon for people to come up to him, shake his hand and just want to say, hello. Happens to him all the time. He’s an affable guy and he’s always willing to shake a hand and just say hello. And he understands people want to meet him because he’s on TV and so on and so forth. So we’re hanging out and just enjoying our time and within the course of like 10 minutes, three different people came up to the table, they say, hello. Every single one of those people gave him a business card. And I just looked at him and I said, there’s no chance you call these people, right? And he said, you would not believe how often I get these cards in my hand, I put them on my desk and I have no idea where the cards go.

So why do I say that to you? It’s because the card represents you, the card represents what you’re focused on, what you’re trying to achieve in your life. When you meet someone for the first time, they don’t care about that. They care about how do they sell more of their product? How do they sell more of their service? The minute you understand that, you’d begin to realize that nothing of what I do matters. You get one shot to make a good impression with people and my entire focus is why wasted talking about you. You already know who you are so focus on them, focus on asking them questions. And if you come at it with that type of mentality and you change that orientation from me to them. I think that’s the biggest mistake I see-is people passing out their card right away.

Brian:

I appreciate that. There are…I know there are software and hardware and tools for just about everything, whether it’s contact management or just a variety of different areas. Are there special tools that we need for networking? So software or contact management systems, share a little bit about that if you would.

Derek:

Sure. I do believe that there is a software program for every company that-sometimes internal companies have their own software, but I’m stuck on the idea that Judy Robinett, who wrote a fantastic book called How To Be A Power Connector…this is what I read…she comes up with this idea that the average person can maintain and actively reach out to about 150 people at any given time. So she segments her lists between the top five, the key 50 and the vital 100. And what I’ve adapted from that, in my world-we do have lists in my business-and what I do is I try to segment who do I talk to once a day? Who do I talk to once a week? And who do I talk to once a quarter? And when I say talk to, I don’t mean phone call-it could be a call, could be an email, could be a text, it could be an article I read that I’m sharing with them. It’s just how many times can I touch this person? And at minimum, the people that are important to my world, I call once a year. So I have some type of maintaining some type of a connection to them. And even though I’m doing all this great stuff on social media, and we’re putting a lot of effort there, I do still appreciate, and people appreciate when they hear from you whether it’s a phone call, email, text, something. So focus on that outreach. And however you segment your lists, again, depends on your goals, depending on what you’re trying to achieve and accomplish, but the best way to do it that I found, is this once a week, once a month, once a quarter, and who fits into that list, and that list gets optimized and cleaned out, if you will. It’s good to purge people too. [Laughter]

Brian:

The quality of relationships really is about personal. Whether you use a specific software program or you have a stack of index cards or a list on an Excel spreadsheet, ultimately it still comes back to personal connection and quality relationships.

Derek:

That’s the whole thing. You can have all the business cards you want on your desk. In fact, if you could see that, I do have some cards on my desk. I think that those are meant to just show people how many people I know, [laughter] but the fun part about it is the puzzle and the mosaic that you build with people and trying to add so much value to people that I don’t need their card. They’re thinking about me because every time they come to me, I’m making a good introduction for them. And that’s what I show people how to do, whether they’re responsible for generating revenue or whether they’re just trying to climb the corporate ladder. The more you focus on other people, I believe, the closer you’ll get to the goals and achieving any dream you create for your life.

Brian:

Absolutely. How can people learn more about you and more about networking?

Derek:

I’ve created a keynote, which can be anywhere from 20 minutes to up to two hours, depending on Q and A, and what the client’s looking for. I have a workshop that’s a half day, a full day, or it could be once a month for eight consecutive months. I also do one-on-one executive coaching, where we deep dive into what that person’s trying to achieve. And I leverage all the resources and content in relationship building, and I show people how they can achieve and reach all of their goals by building with people the right way. We focus on outreach. We focus on profiles. We focus on what the goals are. I’ve had a lot of fun doing it. I’ve been doing it for clients in the political space. I’ve been doing it for philanthropic leaders and for business leaders. We’ve been offering this now for the last few months and I’m getting booked nationally, which is great, and I’m looking forward to doing more of it. We just did a virtual keynote for Cardinal Health last week, which was fun. We’ve got a lot more coming up and I do not get tired talking about this subject. I love it. I live it. I breathe it, this is what drives me.

Brian:

Well, it’s very important. And I appreciate you being on the show today to talk about it, Derek, thanks so much for your time. I’m grateful for your being here today, and I’m really happy to be part of your awesome network. Thanks so much.

Derek:

Absolutely. It was an honor to join you and look forward more importantly, to shaking your hand soon someday. Thank you, Brian.

Brian:

Thanks for listening to Life Excellence. If you received some great networking tips today, and you’d like to help support the show, please share it with others. Post about it on social media and leave a rating and review. You can also learn more about me at BrianBartes.com, where you can sign up for my weekly newsletter and receive a free copy of my book Coach Yourself For Success. Please also check out my book, Life Lessons:  A Guide To Creating And Living Your Best Life as we celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the book. Until next time, dream big dreams and make each day your masterpiece.